


A Memorial for Two

by SylvanWitch



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Canonical Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 21:21:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18725218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SylvanWitch/pseuds/SylvanWitch
Summary: Steve writes a letter to Tony just before he leaves.





	A Memorial for Two

**Author's Note:**

> This is really just catharsis, a kind of mental and emotional spillover. If you're looking for comfort, I'm not sure you'll find it here.

Dear Tony:

I guess I should have seen this coming. We were always one breath away from the apocalypse, so it shouldn’t have been unexpected that one of us would finally die.

I just can’t believe it was you.

There are so many things I wanted to tell you before the battle, when Carol brought you back to us, but you were so bitter and angry, and you didn’t want to hear them. And then time went by, and you found solace in Pepper’s arms, and, well, I wasn’t going to be the one to ruin things for you.

Now I know that I should have made you listen to me, made you hear everything I’d kept behind my teeth because I was afraid of how you’d react or what you’d think of me. Afraid of breaking up what was left of the team. God, that’s a laugh, isn’t it?

So here’s what I should have said five years and a million lifetimes ago:

You were never a consolation prize. I didn’t “settle” for you. You swept over me like a wave, and I couldn’t have resisted you even if I’d wanted to (which I didn’t). Everything we had—every single, solitary moment, good, bad, ugly, bloody, sad—all of it was real. All of it was love.

I love you, Tony Stark. I love you, and I will always love you, and nothing I ever have will ever mean as much to me as the time we spent together. There should have been more of it—more time, more love, more lovemaking. That there wasn’t is on me for being a coward and not telling you how I really felt when you came back to us like a miracle. I’ll live with that regret until my very last day.

So though I’m leaving here today to return to Peggy, please know that it’s not because I always wanted her more or loved her more than you. It’s not and I don’t.

It’s just that I’m weak, Tony. I’m weak without you, and I don’t want to be the strong one anymore. Peggy was always stronger than I am—you’d have liked that about her, Tony. God, you’d have loved her too. So I’m going to let Peggy be strong for me while I carry the weight of my regret, which is crushing me, Tony, squeezing the breath right out of me. Maybe someday, when it doesn’t hurt to breathe, I’ll tell her about you, about all of this, this amazing life we had together. I know she’ll say she wishes she’d known you. I know she’ll say you sound like you were an incredible guy, no wonder I loved you. No wonder.

I’m going now, Tony. But I didn’t want to leave this place without letting you know how much I miss you and love you, without leaving a little piece of us here, a memorial for two, the man you are and the man I never can be again.

Until I see you on the other side,  
Love,

Steve


End file.
